Wednesday, 30 January 2008

Me Today

So this is me today. Have i made any great progress??? I would have to say yes and no. Obviously my agoraphobia has me limited in so many ways but mentally i feel far more able to deal with it. I have spent so many years working myself out, questioning why this has happened and how i'm going to fix it and now i feel i have the answers.

I am happy. Life isn't how i planned it. Having just turned 27 i had imagined a career, maybe marriage and kids but that's not happened for me and do you know what? That's ok!

I have my family. I have a beautiful home. I have my 3 wonderful nephews how make me smile. I have the 3 best friends a girl could ask for, Lynne, Laura and Angela and i have Chris.

What's the point in getting upset about what i don't have or what i've missed out on? I am young and i have my whole life ahead of me. People say they feel sorry for me, that someone my age shouldn't have to deal with this. Oh well, it's happened so no point complaining!

My life is just the same as any other girl my age. Ok so i don't work and i don't go out clubbing etc but i have the same day to day issues that they do. Love, Family, bills etc
I love the gossip magazines, watching my favourite tv shows, complaining about my apperance. I've been on a diet since November last year and have lost quite a bit of weight so that's given me a boost. If people think i'm a weirdo because of my condition then that's fine, they obvously don't know me very well and that's not the kind of person i need in my life.

I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe this was just something that was meant to happen to me and instead of feeling sorry for myself, i am going to turn this negative into a positive.

I have enroled in an open university course. You study at home and i have plenty of time for that ha ha. The course is in Health and Social Care and i plan to get into counselling or Social Work of some sort. I want to help people who have gone through the type's of issues as me. Instead of them meeting someone who will say 'Yeh i think i know what you mean, i've never had a panic attack myself'. I will be able to say 'I completely understand, i've been there' and hopefully i can put this experience to some use. Just need to help myself first.