Tuesday, 24 February 2009

He is coming home

Well tomorrow Gerry returns from his week in Toronto. It has flewn by! I thought it would drag and I would miss him terribly, and at times I did, but I have also enjoyed being able to relax. There has been no one here to force me on unexpected drives or to make me feel bad when I haven't done enough (although thats not my opinion).

So thinking of his arrival I decided to write a little letter about how we will tackle things now that he is home....

I KNOW what I need to do. I know we are aiming at getting to your house and me eventually moving in. It is what we both want and the sooner it happens, the better. But I won’t be pressured. I have noticed that I do much better when I do things on MY terms! When I feel relaxed and comfortable I can do more in the car, I feel brave enough to push it a little. But when we go driving and end up fighting it just makes it seem impossible. Then it has a knock on effect and after a bad drive I feel crappy and then it takes away a bit of my confidence.

While you have been away my drives have been ok. Although there hasn’t been anyone around with a car all the time I have made the most of when I have seen Angela or when I went my drive with Karen. I know I still need to do it more often and I appreciate you always offering to take me. My walks have been getting further and i have been enjoying them. I have felt braver and walked down streets or along roads that I always avoided. I felt really proud of myself and my confidence took a little boost again. I have massive hopes for us and I see this summer being a great time for us where I achieve much more but i think i need you to stop going on as much.

Please don’t take it as a moan because I know you only want the best for me but I hate that whenever we speak you ask ‘where have you been’, ‘Have you been out’, ‘Have you been out in the car’, ‘Have you been any further’. Remember Karen said months ago that that isn’t a healthy relationship. Where I walk or drive shouldn’t be all that we are about. I know you must find it really hard and really frustrating, you have been so patient with me and I really do appreciate it, but I hope you can understand. I have so much I need to work on Gerry. Not just driving in a straight line from my house to your house. I have started with small walks but over the last few months I have visited friend’s houses, been to the pub, gone to the shops, the dentist, gone for food. This all might seem small to you but these were massive achievements for me. My confidence will build as I do more and more and soon those things will seem small to me too, but you need to understand that there is A LOT I need to work on.

I really do hope you can handle it, because i think that at the end of all of this we could have a fantastic future together. I am hoping that this letter will let you see that I am prepared to do the work that is needed and I hope you can support me and be here for me but maybe not force things on me so much. You don’t need to put pressure on me or force me to do things... because I will do those things anyway, but will do it in a much better frame of mind if it is done my way. I hope that doesn’t sound too selfish.


Melisa (and Frankie) said...

Hi Lynn! I think the letter is good. Take out the very last line though. You are not being selfish. You are stating exactly what you need from him. Be firm about doing things on your terms. Only you know what you can handle and not handle.

Take Care,