I have got the New Year off to a good start by attending the party. The next night i hopped into the car and drove with Gerry to my brothers for dinner. I was a little anxious as we had thick fog, but as the drive takes only 5 minutes i was soon indoors again. We had a lovely dinner and it was great to spend time with my brother, his girlfriend and my nephews in a different environment. Again, it has messed with my head a little that it was so easy and that I was so comfortable. I try not to think about this too much though as i imagine that's where the negative thoughts could kick in. So i am trying to just enjoy these new experiences. We were there for a couple of hours and i honestly could have stayed longer but we headed home for a night with a DVD. Also in the past week i have been to the shops twice on my own. This is something i could do about a year ago but i want it to become very regular again. I had to wait in large queues both times and although I wasn't exactly comfortable, i coped OK.
I don't know what I will be doing from day to day or what challenges i want to face next but all i know is that i am up for at least attempting things which, as you know, is not like me. The one thing I REALLY want to do is make an appointment at the dentist. I never thought for a second I would be doing this. My teeth are a mess! I know i must need at least 6 removed and a lot of cosmetic work done too. To be honest the cosmetic work is my priority at the moment. I have a hole behind my front tooth which has left the tooth looking discoloured. I have been living with it for years but it looks like the tooth is about to give up the fight and crumble. I can't believe that i may once again be able to smile with confidence! I know i can drive to the dentist as it is within my comfort zone, but i think i will struggle with the process once i get out of the car. The waiting room, the dentist chair, the dentist.... this is all new and may be a bit too much. And on top of that I will have to sit there for about half an hour and let them do the work!!! It seems very hard to imagine that i would be able to do this but also i know that if i do, I will feel totally fantastic. I know that if i wanted to i could get medication for this. I have been offered Valium/Xanax in the past when attending the dentist but i don't really want to go down that road. However i am actually just impressed with the fact that I am even considering this! How things change. I called the dentist to make the appointment today but it was closed so i will be calling them on Monday. I will let you know how it goes.