Jealousy

Thing's have been going well for me lately, so I guess it was only a matter of time before something went wrong. My boyfriend split up with his last girlfriend just over a year ago. She had been in touch and tried to cause us some problem's in the past but as time has passed I thought we had heard the last from her. Unfortunately that wasn't the case. For some reason, L i will call her, decided to search for me online. When she came across my profile she seen the photos I have of myself and Gerry and also the fact that it says we are engaged. Since finding this L has been texting and calling Gerry constantly. He has received shed loads of abuse and threats. Her latest threat came when she sent him a text showing that she has found my email address. L has decided that she is going to ruin our engagement and is threatening to email me things about Gerry. Thankfully I am not naive. I welcome the email and I welcome the chance to tell her that no matter what she has to say, she won't succeed in breaking us up. In the meantime we will just ignore her but we have said if she continues to get in touch we will contact the police as it is harassment. It is just a shame that these things happen but I think she has just gotten a shock to see that Gerry is getting married.

I mention this because today I haven't felt so great. I think it is just because the L situation has irritated me and to be honest It did cause a fight between Gerry and I. Tonight Angela popped round and she asked if I would drive to the shops with her and run in and get her a few pieces while she waited in the car. I said yes but this is the first time that I have been on the verge of panic. I got about half way and really wanted to turn back. I was arguing with myself telling myself to just ignore it and keep on going. I knew if I turned back it would make my next drive more difficult. Thankfully I made it to the shops and soon felt calm again. I got what she needed and then we drove home the long way. I feel happy that I went through with it and didn't turn back but it has also given me an idea. When out and about and you feel anxious, it can be very difficult to think straight so I am going to write some sentences on paper and keep them in my bag. For example, remember this is going to pass. You are doing what you want to be doing, work through it and that's more progress. You will be disappointed if you give into this, it is only a feeling etc etc. I thought of this because there have been times when I have been out and panicked and when thinking it over and home I have asked myself 'why didn't I think of that then'. 'Why didn't i tell myself that and I would have felt better' but sometimes your head is just too busy with the panic.

Now that I have come home I feel the most relaxed I have all day. I went out and was the most uncomfortable i have felt in a long time, but i fought it and I won.