Monday, 1 December 2008

Award Winning & Getting To Know You

I have been friends with a lovely couple named Robert and Marie for many years now. Having met Marie online she told me about a blog which Robert writes telling the story 'My wife has Agoraphobia'.

I have always been a huge fan of his page, as i have forever been curious as to how the partner of an agoraphobic feels. Of course i have spoken to my own partner for his opinion, but i always wondered about those who have gotten married. Does it come to a point where they just accept their partners condition and stay with them anyway out of love? Would someone ever say to me, 'You may never go out, we may never go travelling, but i want to be with you for the rest of my life anyway'? That to me is love! I know that is a huge commitment but i also know i would be truley delighted if someone took me on 'warts and all'. Does the partner of an agoraphobic fully accept them and just get on with things, or do they always hope things get better?

I have also often wondered how i would cope if i had never become agoraphobic and had fallen in love with a guy who was housebound. I can honestly say with my hand on heart that i dont know if i could handle that. Am i incredibly selfish? It is only NOW having experienced it that i feel i could take on that relationship. I remember years ago, a long time before i ever had a panic attack or agoraphobia, i was told about a women who wouldnt leave the house. Unfortunately, my response then was... 'She needs a kick up the arse, tell her to sort herself out'. Well how wrong was i? I think about that statement a lot. You know i think karma may infact exist lol. But i have also said many times that living with agoraphobia, panic attacks or any other kind of 'problem' makes you much more sympathetic and patient.

Ok i digress, i mentioned Robert as he recommended me for a couple of awards. One is the Kreative Blogger and the other is the Lemonade award. I just want to say thank you very much and that i really appreciate it. It is always nice to know that someone takes an interest in my ramblings. Robert's blog can be found at I would recommend it as it shows the other side of the coin when talking about agoraphobia and just how much it affects the partner. Robert knows i have had nothing but respect for him for years as he looks after Marie, their 2 children, manages several businesses and has now just taken on a new family member, their puppy Blaze! And then you have me who struggles to just go a simple walk day after day. I think he deserves some recognition.

On a recent posting Robert answered the question, 'What are 6 things that make me happy'. I will also attempt this although to be honest it may be dull haha, but i think it may be a nice change to here these things than my views on agoraphobia all the time

  1. I have recently become very domesticated. I think it happened when i met my new partner and realised i may soon become someones...WIFE!!! Argh scary stuff but time to grow up. This has meant i have been learning to cook. I have always known how to cook but i mean i wanted to try more 'impressive' meals. As well as the cooking i have started to bake. My banana bread is very tasty and so easy to make but it is great fun as i get the kids involved too. My shortbread was like rock and could crack your teeth and my muffins were so burnt that the birds wouldnt even touch them but god loves a trier haha. All in all i am actually pretty good and take great pleasure in seeing people enjoy a meal which i have made.
  2. Music! I LOVE music and surround myself with it everyday. I like to listen to the radio, usually Radio 1 or 2 and i love to download the latest albums released. At the moment my current favourite is 'Day & Age' by the Killers but i enjoy listening to a very broad range. I can handle anything from Patsy Cline to Britney Spears (they are not my favourites, i do actually have good taste ha). Nothing pleases me more than singing at the top of my voice, even though i am terrible!!! You will often here the words 'Lynn WOULD YOU SHUT UP' being shouted through the house but hey i enjoy it.
  3. The internet. MSN, Bebo, Myspace, Youtube. Thank God for the internet. The world at your finger tips. My biggest vice is internet shopping, which reminds me i must go buy that lovely dress i just seen :)
  4. American tv shows. I can get lost in Desperate Housewives, Ugly Betty, you name it. It is escapism which i enjoy.
  5. Puzzles! Am i a geek? I dont know and i dont care but i love crosswords, suduko, codebreakers and find them extremly helpful when i am anxious, good distraction.
  6. Reading. I love to read. Similar to music my taste is very broad. I do enjoy a good autobiography but lately have been reading crime novels. Could be classed as murder mysteries actually. The author is Karin Slaughter and they were recommended to me by a friend but my favourties have to be books by Marian Keyes and Cecelia Ahern as they are light hearted and make me laugh.

I have ranted once again lol.

Seen the homeopathic women today. I do feel the remedy is working. She told me the name of my remedy, i should have written it down. It was Poly something or other but i have another 6 weeks worth. I am still determind and have been out everyday walking further and further. Had a small set back on Saturday where i felt anxious and thought 'Uh oh, here we go again' but thankfully it didnt come to anything and i felt much better the next day. I do have the fear though. The longer it is since i have had a panic the more i worry about handling the next one. Does that make sense? Silly question, i know you will understand that worry only too well!

My Boyfriend and i have made up since the disasterous drive. He knows he was wrong thank goodness. It was his frustration i suppose, but after a long talk i am confident it wont happen again (touch wood). Anyway i shall leave it there for now but will be back soon. Take Care all xx


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Jason said...

Sounds interesting. I'm always kinda scared to think about what the other side thinks. I've just stopped dating altogether cause I don't think there's a girl alive that would accept me with this condition.

I'm expected to be a man and be able to handle shit, and if I'm stuck at home, handling shit is exactly what I'm not doing.

It sucks, but it's reality.

Lynn said...

I think its different if it is the man who is agoraphobic and in a way i think it must be HARDER. If the female has agoraphobia, the man can then look after her and protect her. The role of the man being the strong guardian is a common one. But when it is the other way around the man may feel weak. I dont agree though Jason. You need to remember how caring women can be, how patient and understanding. Dont give up. I KNOW there are women out there who would be happy to accept your condition.

Lavender mace said...

I've been reading Robert's blog too and agree, its good. When I first came across it it wasn't what I expected. I like his view point and his willingness to share his point of view. Which, imho is a brave view to write from. I actually think I came across yours from his.

Your list of 6 things that make you happy was great. Same here on the singing thing LOL. Since there's supposed to be a lot of singing in heaven, I'm hoping my corporeal body is better "tuned" ;)

Robert said...

Lynn - if I ever need a character reference, I'm gonna give tell tham to contact you! But seriously, I'm no saint. The majority of any married life revolves around the home, and Marie's agoraphobia doesn't affect that. She makes me happy and that makes it easy to put up with the inconveniences caused by her condition.

I'm glad that your boyfriend's attitude has changed. I hope that things go well for you romantically.

JASON - Your condition is only a small part of who you are. Concentrate on your good points and start liking yourself. Romance will follow! Lynn is right - plenty of women would be happy to care for a good bloke.

Jason said...

Thx guys. I guess there's really no surer way to make it not happen than to give up. Still though, my goal is to make it a non-issue anyway. Agoraphobia takes away more than I care to give even without the lack of romance figured in.

Lynn said...

Oh Robert youll be getting a big head, there's someone else complimenting you haha.

diver said...

I agree Lynn : I think it's harder for the bloke because of the role expectations on men to be the 'provider' - which usually implies bulk work in the cursed agora.

At the same time I wonder if this idea of men 'looking after and protecting women' is all a bit primitive and unhealthy. Maybe it just encourages clinging dependencies that entrench the agoraphobia in a woman even more?

Happy you patched it with the bf.

Dr. President said...

"But i have also said many times that living with agoraphobia, panic attacks or any other kind of 'problem' makes you much more sympathetic and patient."

Not necessarily lol It can also make you bitter and lash out at people. (that would be me) :(

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