A Busy Week

The past week has been great. I have spent the majority of it with Luke, making up for the past month without him. We haven't done a lot as Luke is still recovering from his operation but just having him here has been fantastic. Anyone with kids will know that they keep you very busy which can be great for me as a distraction from anxiety, but also not so good in that i have had no time to read any of my congnative behavioural therapy books! So once again i feel like im not exactly on schedule. Also being more busy then usual has meant i have been really tired and at night when i go to bed i am exhausted and really not in the right frame of mind to 'study'.

Anyway... Unfortunately i have had a few anxious moments but these happened on the one night Luke wasn't here. I was in bed and it was late at night. I had spent the day totally relaxing from the previous week's mayhem and i think maybe everything just caught up with me. The strange thing was that the panic was different. It started with my heart. Usually my panic attacks begin with the awful churning in my stomach but this time i was experiencing chest pains. I found it really strange as i had been completely relaxed, i was chatting to friends on line and then it hit me. I felt the pains (which were only mild) and my heart began to flutter. Then the sweat was literally pouring from my hands and feet. Thankfully i told myself that this is just anxiety. And it past really quickly. It was enough to give me a scare though.

The next morning i woke up and panicked immediately. Morning panic attacks don't seem to scare me as much. I understand that it's my body just waking and warming itself up again, and the anxiety usually passes within ten minutes or so.

The fact that it happened twice made me edgy over the next few days but i have actually been ok with it. Even now as i write this i can feel my chest tighten and can feel a strange numbness in my left arm. Oh and not forgetting the sweaty hands! In the past this would have sent me into a frenzy and i would be convinced i was about to have a heart attack, but im ok. It's not pleasant ha and i would much rather not have it but i know it will probably be gone in half an hour. Anxiety!... Nightmare!!!

Luke is going back to school tomorrow and i have my days back to focus on me. I am feeling guilty now that i haven't read my books or ventured far from home, but i also know that i've felt stuck in a rut so many times before and always got out of it eventually. Even if i was to walk to the bottom of my street at some point that would give me a sense of achievement. So for the rest of the week i will be focusing on making a bit more progress.

Apart from the anxiety the week was also filled with visits from friends and of course spending time with Chris, so as much as the panic attacks weren't great i do feel it has been a positive time. My day has had more structure. I have been sleeping better as i have been busier and my diet is still going strong. I hope this post finds you all well...and relaxed. And i wanna say Well done to my fellow agoraphobic friend who managed to over come her anxiety to attend a christening where she was god mother.