Funny

http://sendables.jibjab.com/view/z1Kd7S25EQW8Vhcg

Make your own. I've made them for the kids and my parents. Its quite funny.

Me and Marie

I met Marie when she wrote to me about 2 years ago regarding a post i had written on a random website. I had written about how i suffered from Agoraphobia and Panic Attacks and obviously Marie seen we had something in common. Soon after her first email we began to chat on MSN. We are now very close although we have never met in person. Marie has been there for me through a lot of tough times with anxiety and other issues and I would like to think that I have been there for her too.

About a year ago Marie and her husband Robert were taking a road trip and asked if I would like them to visit me. At first I said yes but unfortunately as the date approached I had to pull out. I was sorry for this because I know Marie was upset but I never doubted the fact that we would one day meet in person. I knew it would happen.

A few months ago Marie mentioned us meeting again. We talked about arranging it for the summer. Marie, Robert and the kids were thinking of taking a trip to Loch Lomond, a beautiful area in Scotland, and while there Marie could pop by and visit me for a couple of days. Then Marie got in touch to tell me that Robert would be attending a conference in the coming weeks. He would only be a couple of hours drive from me so she asked if she could make the drive up with him and then come and stay with me from the Sunday to the Wednesday. I agreed.

As the date approached it looked unlikely that it was going to happen due to Robert's recent trouble with cellulitis. See his blog here. It was only confirmed that they were definitely coming on the Sunday morning. Apart from Robert's health issues there was the obvious problem of Marie's agoraphobia. I know most of you are familiar with Marie already and so you know her story. She has suffered with agoraphobia and panic attacks for many many years. She has gone through times of depression where she hasn't left the house and doesn't want to drive anywhere. When Marie does go out in the car it is usually with a safe person in the passenger seat, but when travelling in the car with Robert he is usually the one doing the driving. On top of this Marie will very rarely drive on her own. Even driving to the local shop just seconds away has been a problems.

And so on Sunday morning I was very surprised to hear that they were definitely coming to visit. Robert wasn't going to be able to drive for 7 hours without a bit of help due to his foot problems but I think even he was unsure if Marie would be able to do the driving... given the fact that she doesn't like motorways. Well Marie surprised us both. They set off on the Sunday afternoon and Marie drove from her home town all the way to Scotland. I am so proud of her and completely in awe too. I have no idea how she managed it. Robert drove for the final hour or so and they arrived at my house at 11.30pm.

I was excited to met Marie but also excited to meet Robert. I have spoken to him a few times on the phone and read his blog regularly. As i waited on them arriving i didn't really believe it was happening. Marie and I have spoken for so long i feel like we know each other as well as possible but the thought that they would be in my house was all a bit hard to imagine.

When they pulled up outside my house I met them at the car to help with bags. Marie got out the car and i was greeted with this tall beautiful women. (I knew Marie was tall but it is rare that i meet any female taller than myself as i am 5'10') She towered above me but then she was in heels and i in flats. Robert was exactly like I imagined. Extremely warm and with a big smile i hugged him and then Marie. That night we just had some tea and then headed to bed. The following morning Robert had to hit the road and he left so early i didn't see him. Marie eventually crept into my bedroom and asked me to go into her room. She was getting stressed that I had forgotten she was there haha.

The few days that followed seem like a blur to me. What I have achieved by having Marie here has shocked me and my head hasn't quite got round it yet! We had already decided that while she was here, Marie and I would go out for drives. This meant that I could practice my driving skills and Marie could see where I live, the places I have spoken about etc. On Monday I had my appointment with the people from the job centre to discuss my benefits (the people who at first refused me a home visit). The women from the JC ticked the required boxes but the best thing was that she brought another Occupational Therapist to meet me. I think his name was Dave. He was really nice and knew exactly how I should be tackling my recovery and asked me if i would like to work with him. I said yes as i think any support being offered should be taken, even though I am doing pretty well on my own. After the meetin i drove with Marie around my usual safe roads but before I knew it we were down into the main part of the village, where i had previously only just gone with my driving instructor. I was calm and we chatted away happily. Would i be brave enough to drive to the petrol station with Marie to get fuel? I didn't know if i could manage it. The thought did make me nervous, but i challenged myself and drove there anyway. Oh we had such a laugh! Since i hadn't been anywhere near the garage in 5 years I didn't know that you could pay at the pump. This meant I also didn't know how to work it. The 2 of us must have been a sight for sore eyes. Marie took care of the payment, but for some reason i think it took her 4 attempts. Meanwhile she was trying to take pictures of me filling the car with petrol (that was once we had discovered which side the petrol cap was on). Even though we paid at the pump i still wanted to walk into the garage and buy something just to prove I could. And so i did. I was completely amazed and so so proud.

With new found confidence i took a little detour to my doctors surgery. 8 years it has been since I have been there. But there I was sat outside with Marie. We parked up the car and I told Marie that i wanted to take a little walk through the village and see how i coped... and then i might pop my head into the doctors and see if it had changed. Poor Marie. I didn't realise that she didn't like to be left alone in the car like that but she coped brilliantly. While she was here I tried to make her as comfortable as possible. If i left her at anytime i always let her know I had my phone, where i was going and how long i was going to be. When Marie could see me again she started taking pictures of me walking to the surgery. Inside the surgery I walked up and booked an appointment for my smear test! I only just wrote about it a few posts ago but i never imagined i would be in that building so soon. The test was booked for Wednesday at 2.00.

After the days success we went home, had food and then got settled in my room. We sat on my bed watching tv all night, both on our laptops. That night i slept better than I have in months.

Tuesday. Up and dressed we went off out in the car again. This time i pushed myself and we left my town. I drove a new road and even Marie could tell I was nervous at this point but we survived and after about 5 minutes we were back in Linwood again. I drove to places I hadn't been able to get to in years. The local sports centre, the bowling club where Luke's communion party will be, the pub which used to be my local and then to boots where Marie could spend some money. Marie bravely bought some hair dye whilst there. In the past the thought of dying her hair has made her too anxious. I think its the control thing, knowing that once it is done, she cant change it back. Also i know she has said she would struggle havin to sit there calmly while the dye developed. So we got home and i set to work on colouring her hair which is almost at her bum! She did brilliantly. You really wouldnt have known she was nervous at all. The only give away to me is that she went and got her handbag (regular readers of Robert/Maries blog will know that this is Maries safety behaviour kicking in). I thought the end result was fab, infact you couldnt really see a difference apart from the fact it covered some unwanted grey hairs. That night a friend of mine popped round. I wanted Marie to meet some of the people I have spoken about for so long. Again that night I slept like a baby.

Wednesday arrived and it was the day of my appointment. My mum also had an appointment at the doctors that day and luckily it was at the same time as me. So i drove the 3 of us there. I was a little nervous as i sat in the car park. My mum went in first and I waited with Marie in the car, then it was my turn. I went in and sat in the waiting room. I really hoped I wouldn't be kept long and luckily i wasn't. I had my test! I am so glad. I will have the results through the post in about 4 weeks.

(a quick video while in the waiting room of the doctors, i really must stop filming things sideways)

In the afternoon Marie met my nephews Riley & Jude and my friend Angela and Taz the cat killer. We sat in the garden and everyone got along great. I will add pictures of this when i get them.

Then we ordered a huge Indian and waited on Robert coming to pick Marie up. He arrived on Wednesday evening and we ate. Then we all sat and watched tv. Marie, Robert, myself, my mum and by then Luke had arrived. I was glad she got to meet everyone. Unfortunately my dad and Gerry were both working but at least she met some of the important people in my life. I did dread Marie leaving. I have achieved so much in the short time that she was here. I had a perception of Marie from chatting online but meeting her in person has been different. She is so kind, sweet and really funny. I think we have a friendship that will last and I am very honored to call her my friend. I always knew we would meet and I know for sure it wont be the last time. As we said our goodbyes Marie cried and i felt awful but i reassured her that we are closer than ever and have loads of fun times ahead. Thank you for 3 amazing days!

Last night I slept for about 10 hours. I think i am mentally and physically exhausted. I did worry that now she was gone I would have lost my driving partner and wouldn't be able to do as much. So today I asked my mum nicely if she fancied a little trip. Thankfully she agreed and i drove us to the petrol station. I fueled up and this time i paid in the shop ha. From there i drove to a local supermarket. I parked up and went in alone. I bought food for tonight's dinner and lots of Easter goodies for Gerry and the kids. I did get a little nervous, but i always do when trying new things. It was a little strange as I have never been in this shop before, so didn't have a clue where anything was, but I was also proud of myself. Now I am home and its time for a bath, and then dinner and tonight i guess i will be in bed early again. Robert and Marie are still on there little road trip and I look forward to seeing all their photographs on their return.

ALL THE PICS APPEAR IN A SLIDE SHOW AT THE VERY BOTTOM OF THE PAGE.

Dog Watching

Last weekend I was asked to look after Angela's dog Taz as she was going to a wedding. She was staying in the wedding hotel for 2 nights, so it meant that I would have Taz from Friday through till Sunday.

I was really looking forward to having him. When Taz is here I get out for walks more often and most of the time i go further too. I think it really benefits me having him around. So Friday was great, we had lots of walks and exercise, and as Luke was here, he had loads of fun with Taz too.

On Saturday I got Taz dressed in a bandanna for our walk (as shown in video). It is actually Luke's as he has a fascination with them at the moment, but Taz took a shine too it. Whenever I walk Taz I take him to a big patch of grass where he can run wild and tire himself out. Obviously this means he is off his lead. So after lots of games of fetch we headed for home. When we got to my street I noticed a man walking with 2 HUGE Akita's and I decided I would take a different route to avoid them.

Taz casually walked beside me until we reached my neighbours garden, and it was then that he spotted his biggest nemesis... A CAT. Well I am rubbish in these situations. Taz casually approached the cat and started to sniff, which seemed harmless but since I know he doesn't like cat's, I was getting very nervous. I am not the biggest fan of cat since I have never had one and I think they can be a bit unpredictable, but mostly its the hissing noise and the scratching that scares me. Anyway the cat began to hiss, my stomach actually flips when I think about that. He hiss in Taz'z face and then the claws came out as he took a swipe. Suddenly Tax lurched forward and had the cat in his mouth.

Well... I screamed! I was shouting on him, pulling at him, even tried slapping his bum, but nothing worked. I am sorry to admit but at that point it all got too much for me, I freaked out and i RAN! I was only seconds from my house and I burst in screaming asking people to come and help. TAZ HAS A CAT, TAZ HAS A CAT. Gerry was in... he wouldn't help. My dad was in.... He wouldn't help (they were scared. Big burly men and they didn't want to face it). And so my poor mother headed over. I am ashamed to admit that I couldn't help at all. I physically couldn't make myself go back round there as I had no ides of what I would find. I was pacing the house and by this point I was on the verge of panic.

I stood at the door and I saw my mum come back with Taz, and I asked the dreaded question. Is the cat dead? Yes it was dead. I now felt sick and very anxious. I was trying to hold it together and really thought the panic was going to take over. I couldn't even look at Taz as he had now changed to me. He wasn't my gentle little friend anymore. So we had to tell the owner who was surprisingly ok even though their cat was 18! 18 years that cat had survived until i came into its life! He said the cat was a wanderer and he had hardly seen it in the last 2 years. My mum bravely disposed of the cat. When she brought it to our house i was hiding. I couldn't look, i think that would have tipped me over the edge. Plus i was looking after 4 kids at the time. I tried to ring Angela over and over again but i don't know why. She was at the wedding and what could she do to help, plus i would have ruined her day but thankfully her phone was off. I called my uncle to ask what to do here. He is a big animal lover and has had animals of all kinds all his life. He told me that it wasn't really Taz's fault. He was just doing what dog's do. It was my fault. I mishandled the situation. Of course he was right. Taz and i didn't talk for an hour or so, but eventually i warmed to him knowing it was my fault anyway. The kids didn't really help as they said things like 'Does that mean Taz has Cat inside him'. But the rest of the weekend went without a hitch.

Taz went home on Sunday evening and just after he arrived I got another visitor. But more on that next time.

Distance Update

About 9 months ago this is where i could walk (in the yellow). Even doing this i wasn't very comfortable.


This is now where I can walk (the red shows all paths or walkways i can take)




9 months ago and for the past 5 years I have never been in a car. This is now where I can drive. I made it to my furthest point today when I was driving the car on a driving lesson. I found that as the driver I am more relaxed, i must be too focused on the road and not constantly asking myself how i feel.

Lesson 1

(The car I am learning in)

This post shall be short and sweet. I am so tired. Speaking of which, has anyone tried Berroca? I think i need to give that a go, or a multi vitamin because I am just wiped out these days.

So this morning I had my first driving lesson at 9.30. I didn't sleep very well last night as it was playing on my mind. At 9.45 this morning my instructor called me and woke me up to tell me he was waiting outside for me. Oops! I had totally slept through my alarm. In a way this was a good thing. It meant i didn't have time to sit about thinking and getting myself nervous again. I literally had to get up and go.

I really enjoyed the lesson but it looks as though my plan to stay in my village isn't going to work. We drove around for an hour and then Alan, my instructor, told me my driving is completely fine. In order to advance and learn the harder points in driving I really need to go to a busier town. I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand i completely agree with Alan. i felt comfortable today and also can see that i will be able to go further if i am the one in charge of the car. But on the other hand i expected to make this move after a few lessons, not just after one. Alan is coming back for me on Friday and that day he wants me to leave my town altogether and drive near where Gerry lives. In my head that just seems a little bit beyond me. It has taken me 6 months go get to where i am now but Alan thinks i should take the biggest jump ever within three days. i am not convinced really. I think it should be a natural progression i make on my own. Too tired to think about it at the moment. Will give it consideration over the next few days, but i can totally see it happening in the coming weeks which is very very exciting.

On returning home i was right back out in the car again. This time my own car. Again i loved it and seen a big improvement after just an hour with Alan helping me polish up on my old skills. I drove to the shops, drove my brother home. My head still finds all this new activity hard to process. The Lynn my brain knows, doesn't do these things. The Lynn in my heart does though and i am loving this new life of mine.

A wee bit independant

Ok i am not quite independent. Today I was taking care of car duties. Insurance, and a repair to be exact. I sorted the insurance out pretty quickly and am now fully covered. I then spent the afternoon on yell.com searching for somewhere that can supply car parts. I knew when I got the car that it needed a little repair done which apparently wouldn't cost me much money. So today i was ringing places to find out if they supply the part...and then calling garages to see how much they charge to fit it. Oh i felt so proud of myself doing a job to do with cars etc haha. Don't i need my dad or Gerry for that? Anyway i got on with it and swayed from feeling independent to feeling little a silly little girl as I asked 'Do you have this part thingimy for my red car'? Ha ha Ok i wasn't that bad but hey I got the job done and the car is booked in for repair on Saturday morning and then I plan on driving everyday.

One problem though is cash. Insurance, repairs, petrol OH MY! Living on Benefits is not easy. Plus I'm a smoker and cigarettes in the UK cost a small fortune( yeh yeh i will stop eventually), not to mention the fact i need to money to live on. So my head is a little cloudy at the moment and the main image before my eyes is pound signs (or lack of them) ughh.

The good news though. The exciting part... today I went out driving with my occupational therapist, Karen. We drove my usual route and then I added another few roads. I felt pretty good. But then i told her to take a long road as i was determined to seethe sign ' YOU ARE NOW LEAVING LINWOOD'. Sadly this sign didn't appear. I thought that maybe I had misjudged it and the sign would be further up the road than I was, but we turned at a round-a-bout and headed back the way. Soon i noticed it. 'WELCOME TO LINWOOD' . YEY!!! So today i left my town for the first time in 5 years... even if only for a few seconds. Very very happy.

Taking more Steps

I am sitting at the window looking at my little car. Awww she is so pretty. I was talking to an agoraphobic friend the other night and we got onto the subject of driving. We discussed me taking driving lessons. This always seemed completely beyond me. Ok, i can drive around my village a little but anything else is a little bit too much at the moment. To learn to drive here we go to another town and the final test route is also quite a bit away.

Talking to my friend I realised that I don't HAVE to go into the other town. Why cant I learn to drive here? Surely we can drive around here and I can learn all the usual maneuvers like reversing round corners, parking etc.

I decided that I would phone a few driving instructors, explain my situation and see what they have to say. If i found someone who sounded understanding then I would book them.

Firstly I had to arrange for my provisional licence to be sent out. I went to Spain when I was 19 and my purse was stolen, including my licence. I thought this would be a hassle but after 2 minutes on the phone I was told it will be posted out immediately. Then I called some instructors. I found a man named Archie, explained the way I am and he said it is totally ok. My area may not be ideal for learning to drive but it will do. He also said that hopefully as my confidence grows i will feel in control and will WANT to drive further because I enjoy it. This made me decide to choose him because that is exactly what I had in mind. So i am happy and proud of myself. Who knows how it will go but i am up for the challenge.

Lesson Booked for Tuesday at 12.30. Wish me luck!