CHEESE!!!!

So this was my teeth before. I know you can see some flaws here... and the hole at the front, but this picture actually doesnt make it look that bad. Believe me it was far worse. But today was the day of my final appointment. This is the day I had been waiting for, when she would work on my 'smile' teeth. For the best part of ten years i have tried my best to hide my teeth. I never show them when i smile and I would cover my mouth when laughing etc. You can see them really badly in my first video post. My teeth looked awful and i almost never put the video on my blog.

I was nervous about today. I panicked in the waiting room the last time and so I had it in my head that this would happen again. I was dreading the numbness and the sudden panic I get when I first get the injection. I did panic in the end, but it was only small and I managed to keep myself relitively calm.

Here is my new smile. It might look weird cos i am not used to smiling this way at all but I thought you all deserved to see the end result since i have gone on about it so much ha. I find it very hard to believe that I dont have to cover up anymore. They are still not perfect but they never will be, I left them way too long without dental care, but I am very pleased with the outcome.

11 extractions
10 Fillings later.....

So after the dentist I spent the rest of the afternoon in the pub. My brother was in there so Gerry and I popped in for a few hours. It was nice to be out with Gerry. Doing something together instead of staying in doors or going one of those stressful drives. Then when we did go home he had a lovely dinner. So it has been a good day.

Charles Linden Defends himself

Who out there has tried the Linden Method?

I have seen adverts online by people who claim it cured them but I am always sceptical. The main problem I have had with this method is that it is quite expensive to buy and so many people simply cant afford it. There are far too many people out there willing to take money and con sick people with the offer of 'a cure', but i would choose never to write something off unless I have actually tried it myself. Therefore i couldn't give an accurate opinion on the success of this program

Anyway, the reason I mention this is because I was told about a forum conversation which has taken place where Charles himself has made an appearance. This is basically a long conversation where people try to challenge Charles and Charles has tried to explain how his method does actually make people well again.

It makes for interesting reading and I can see both sides to the argument but I do find it a little annoying that Charles has offered to help agoraphobics for free... but they need to travel to him. Does he not understand the condition.

http://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/showthread.php?t=40844

Having read the conversation, would you like to try the Linden Method? Apparently he offers a money back guaranteee, hmmm

Music

I have added a music player to the page which will list some of my favourite songs. At the moment the music comes on automatically so if it bothers you please let me know and i'll make it stop lol... still trying to work out how to do that x

Huge Thanks To Melissa

The title says it all. I owe a massive thanks to Melissa who made my new colourful banner. It always makes me smile knowing that there are people out there who go out of their way to help you. Melissa has clearly taken the time to make me a beautiful banner but also sent me step by step instructions on how to add it to my blog. So i am very grateful and I think you will all agree she done a great job!

See Melissa's blog by clicking HERE.

A Little Observation

Not sure if you will have read Marie's latest post about requesting a blue badge due to her agoraphobia? I am actually quite surprised that this was refused. I actually thought that we agoraphobic's are becoming more accepted. Maybe accepted is not the word, perhaps i mean recognised. I was under the impression that people seem to know more about the condition than they did in the past.

While filling out some forms for Gerry's work the other day, it came to the health section. It asked the usual questions, for example, any history of heart attacks, diabetes etc and then the final question on the questionnaire... Do you suffer from agoraphobia?

I have to say this is the first time I have ever seen it on this type of from.

A New Map & and my past week

I was trying to make another map for D showing where i live, where the shops are, where the dentist is etc etc and found a way of making quite a detailed one using GoogleMaps. If you are interested you can have a look by clicking HERE. This map shows where my targets are and also where Gerry lives... So this the furthest point i am aiming for at the moment.

I was feeling a bit guilty at the start of the week. I had been walking but not often enough and not far enough for my liking. I think it is a good thing that I get guilty about this now, it gives me the push to get back out and do more. Monday and Tuesday I went on my usual walk but since Wednesday was the day Gerry would be returning from Canada I spent the day at home waiting for him. It was a waste of a day and I ended up spending way too much time on my own just thinking! He didn't arrive until the evening so really I could have been out and about before he arrived. On Thursday I slept till 2pm!! Again the guilt kicked in. I am in quite a good routine at the moment and am used to waking up early and going out, so waking up at 2 kind of wrecked my day. I did managed to pull myself together and make a quick trip to the shops but that was all for that day. On Friday feeling like my week was wasted and I hadn't made much progress I went out a massive walk. I pushed at several places and once again I took on streets that in the past I had avoided or been too nervous to face. My happiness returned.

It gave me my buzz back and I had been lacking that on the previous days. Gerry had a party to attend on the Friday night and so I sat at home alone and felt thoroughly bored! In the past I would rarely get bored at home and found many ways to entertain myself but this time i felt totally fed up. When I mentioned it to my dad he casually asked 'Would you like to go to the pub'?

I returned to my bedroom and wasn't sure what to do. As an agoraphobic I am so used to ruling things like that out. I'm not very spontaneous and it would be far too NORMAL for me to just decide to go out. That goes against my way of thinking. I thought about it for a while and eventually he shouted on me and told me he was leaving. So I basically ran after him and jumped in the car.

We went to the pub where I had to socialise with his friends. I didn't mind at all, it was nice to get out of the house. I was nervous though and for about 5 minutes I was very quiet and a bit wobbly in the legs. My dad wasn't drinking alcohol and since i am basically a non drinker now i opted for a coke. I was introduced to my fathers friends and said my hello's to people I already know. I then received a text from my brother who lives near by and it gave me the idea that I would just visit him. I explained to my dad and walked off alone for my brothers house. In there I had a nice time with him, his girlfriend (who is a close friend of mine) and my 2 nephews. By this time I was fully relaxed. On returning to the pub I was far more chatty, social and decided... well i think I will just have a little vodka. It didn't happen though, my dad wanted to move on to alcohol which meant taking the car back home and so he drove me home. I wasn't ready to go home though and so I walked to the house of a family friend. I sat there for an hour or so and when she was ready for her bed I went home. Well i was buzzing. Look at me spending a night like a 'normal' person. Doing 'normal' things. And look at me basically doing it on my own with no one to rely on but me. It was nice to know that while Gerry was off out having fun, i wasn't stuck indoors waiting on him. I was out having fun of my own.

After very little sleep i went straight to the local church in the morning. As i have mentioned before My mum makes handmade cards and sells them once a month at the church sale. This time i went to help out and set up a little table of my own full of old books, DVDs, Cd's etc. The sale only lasted about 3 hours but i stood there and felt fine. I was very proud, as was my mum.

I got home and slept for 3 hours. I was totally beat. I had thought I would be seeing Gerry but he called saying he had a hangover and wouldn't be over. So i sent a few texts to see if anyone wanted to do anything. I got a reply from my sister in law saying she was home and would like me to go round. So i got myself in a bath, got dressed and called a taxi!!! I went round to hers and was there for about 4 hours. While there i decided I would like something to eat so just walked to the local chip shop, on my own. Sometimes I have to pinch myself when i realise what i have done. Once again an enjoyable night. She dropped me off about an hour ago and that's me all snug in bed.

I know most people who read this have problems with panic attacks or agoraphobia. I sometimes wonder if i am doing really little things and people are thinking to themselves... well she isn't actually doing anything that great. I just have to say, as I have done before, that although these trips and things may be small to some people, they really are a huge achievement to me. My agoraphobic brain still tells me i shouldn't be doing this stuff, that it should be too difficult or that I should just stay home. So it is a bit of shock when I see that after my years of sitting in my bedroom wishing i could do these things... it is actually happening.

Who got it?