Thursday, 12 November 2009

An Eventful Couple of Days


The other night when i wrote my blog I wasn't very happy with it.


I thought it sounded negative. Maybe it didn't but i definitely felt negative! Since then I have really pushed myself and had a busy couple of days.


I have ran lots of errands and I'm happy to say that Gerry and I went to the cinema. Admittedly i did dread it at first but in the end I had a lovely night and really enjoyed myself. When we got home I told him what the trip was really like for me. On the outside I looked happy and relaxed but on the inside it was totally different. Probably for the first 45 minutes of the movie i have having really negative thoughts. My head was a roller coaster of 'What if i panic', 'Gerry will have to carry me to the car', 'What if i totally freak out and can't make it stop', 'oh no i need to drive home from here' etc etc. It didn't scare me, just really annoyed me. I was trying to watch a movie and this little niggle in my head was just inconvenient. I ignored the thoughts because I knew they were completely irrational. So what if I did panic? I knew I would be totally fine and that it would pass. My driving lessons have proved this. I have been much further from home that the cinema, panicked, and then been ok! Then something inside me just clicked into place and I completely relaxed. No more thoughts, just watched the end of the movie. (which was Jennifer's Body and just average).


As always I have been to the gym, and today I had a doctors appointment. Feeling much more upbeat i headed to the doctors where i was due to meet my mum. Mum wasn't there. I do lots of things on my own, so i wasn't too worried. From there I went to the library to pick up some books. The anxiety hit me in there. The thoughts. Awww how annoying! I ignored them again and although I wanted to leave and go to the car I refused to allow it and continued looking for a good book.


Finally tonight Gerry and I went to get some take away food for dinner. I was driving this time. it was already dark out, and I managed to drive into a massive hole in the road. Gerry had a nice moan but I didn't see the big deal. 'It will wreck your wheels' he was saying. 'Whatever' i thought. We drove to the restaurant and then got back in the car to head home. My car felt very strange. If i had been on my own i would have just kept on driving. Just shows how much I know about cars. Gerry knew the probably immediately that I had a flat tyre! When he told me the problem I just kept on driving until he explained that i couldn't DRIVE the car any further...


Well isn't that just an agoraphobics dream? Fantastic. We were stranded. Gerry started pottering about in the boot looking for a Jack and getting out my spare tyre. Oh yeah, i forgot those were there and that they are used on this occasion. So basically I am stuck in a car park, in the dark, in the rain, with no way top get home and I need to stand here while he changes a tyre....'HOW LONG IS THAT GONNA TAKE'. Gerry and I had a few minutes of screaming at each other. Him blaming me for my rubbish driving and me screaming because?? I don't know, because it was my idea of hell i suppose. I ran over my options. Phone my dad and ask him to come get us, which would leave my car there. Or phone a taxi. I decided I would wait with Gerry while he seen to the tyre. I was actually really calm. Only a few times did I think 'oh crap this is so not ideal' but i was ok really. Now most of you will know the name of the thing that you use to unscrew the nuts on the wheel, i don't, but anyway, mines was rubbish and wouldn't work so i had to call my dad. At this point my mum answered and in a flash of anxiety I had a go at her. It went a bit like this.


Me - Mum can you get Dad, i have broken down

Mum - Oh your kidding, have you really

Me- (anxiety starts) YES REALLY can you get dad

Mum - What happened?

Me - Mum can you just get dad please, i need him to come pick us up

Mum - Oh i don't know, your dads a bit busy at the moment and hes not in a good mood

Me - (anxiety risen) I DON'T GIVE A **** WHAT MOOD HE IS IN CAN YOU JUST GET HIM AND TELL HIM TO HURRY BECAUSE GERRY IS DRIVING ME CRAZY AND I NEED PICKED UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Dad came, type still couldn't be fixed. Got driven home. Went straight in and apologised to my mother and explained that I lost it due to anxiety. We had our food and then headed back down with the proper tools. Tyre changed and home safe and sound.


A couple of days in the life of an agoraphobic. Fun times.

7 comments:

Robert said...

I thought your flat tyre episode was really funny. I loved your comments about how blonde you are regarding basic car maintenance. Anyhow, it's great to see you doing so well!

Best wishes.

Lynn said...

Ha thanks. It was pretty funny when I look back on it. And i guess at least i know how to change a tyre now! but hey it wasnt too funny at the time haha x

agoraphob said...

Hi lynn...I have the same exact problems going to the movies, but like you, after the first 45 minutes to an hour or so, it gets better!!

And a flat tire is my absolute worst fear!! you handled it well!

Kaci said...

I feel your pain on the flat tire! I think you handled it pretty well, I would have been the same way!

I also get nervous in movies too. There are so many out I want to see so I am going to just have to use it as practice I guess! I try to go with someone who is okay with walking out, it helps me be more comfortable.

Jason said...

Ah yes, that's a fear I've had to deal with before. I recommend a good 4 way lug wrench.

David said...

Ah, it's a day in the life of everyone, but we're the ones who really feel it!

Louis said...

hi miss Lynn a good weekend all together just look at the new things you did and managed to get through. I suggest yu do some of the same things i taught my daughter some basic car things like how to change a tire. i will send you an e-mail about it in detail later.