Trying my best

Its going to be a GREAT year

Oh dear dear my blogging etiquette has gone to pot!

I haven't even wished you guys a Happy New Year. Well, even though its 17 days late i am wishing it now. To each and every one of you. May it be a fantastic, inspiring, beautiful, love filled & exciting year.

Lets skip the depressive gloomy rubbish and think of the good things in life. If we get out of our houses and get out and embrace the world we can have a magic time. Beautiful colourful trees to be seen blowing in the breeze. The sounds of children laughing as they play. The sight to a cute little puppy out on its first walk. The 17 year old nervous girl out on her first driving lesson. A mummy and her little baby out learning to walk and the look on the child's face as it looks with amazement at his surroundings and all the new interesting things he is seeing (that's Nathan and i at the moment). If your lucky enough to live near water go out and listen to the waves, such a peaceful sound. The birds flying high singing beautifully. A young couple walking hand in hand or kissing in the street (gross lol) not caring who sees them because its the first time they have been in love and they are just buzzing.

Does it sound nice? Well i know that's the things i see when i leave my home. And instead of plodding along thinking of and noticing nothing at all, i try to see these things and appreciate them all. And they are right there within a 5 minute walk. So if i can see all these things just 5 minutes from my home then imagine just how much i can see if i go further.

This is my year to get out there and embrace the world we live in. We hear so much negativity all the time and we can forget just how beautiful our world really is. I think the more you start to look for the good out there, the more we see it. The less we notice the bad points. Believe me i live in such a crappy area (in fact it had just been given the title of the worst town in the UK) but even surrounded by all its flaws, i still see the good. And i am grateful for that. Do you do the same?

I guess its about being grateful for what we have isn't it. Imagine we lost our sight. The things that we took for granted before would seem so much more special than we ever realised. Why does it need to take losing something, before we can appreciate it?

I want to enjoy every minute. I want to live this year. Not just exist. I want to fill myself up with more happiness and more positivity than i have before. Not a bad resolution is it?

I'm going to love myself. And enjoy my little quirks. I'm not going to beat myself up and feel so much guilt for not being perfect. Who is?

I still get loads of emails from people and a lot of people will ask me the question 'Do you do this too?' When they describe some behaviour they might have, it bothers them, worries them, or makes them feel ashamed'. Well i can say yes. Any weird thought you have had, Ive probably had it too. Even that thought you think it completely mental, and if you told it to anyone they would be calling for the men in the white coats to take you away. Your not alone.

Examples

• The girl who struggles washing her hair because shes panics when she starts to shampoo it
• People who wont dye their hair as it makes them anxious
• People who wont get a tattoo because they wont be able to rub it off once its done
• Imagining bad scenarios. Car crashes, being attacked
• Feeling nervous when someone moves furniture
• The fear that this is all a dream
• Small irrational things sending you into panic. Things that shouldnt matter (Marie breaking your bin and panicking cause it was broken and could not be fixed).

Ok not the finest examples (certainly not extreme ones) but all things i have heard of, and what im trying to show is that we all have these thoughts. But we are special, because we TALK about it. I imagine everyone in life has these kind of thoughts playing out in their head, but we are more sensative souls so we are more aware of them. Sometimes it can be hard not to be bothered by them. And we wish they would all go away and we could just be NORMAL!! But i embrace my mental quirky side. It just makes me more interesting lol. It just makes me more convinced that 'agoraphobic' isnt the best label. I think we are all just sensative and anxious. And it affects us all in different ways. Unfortunately it leaves some of us scared to travel, or leave home, or walk through wide open spaces. But in the first 3 examples its all about fear of losing control, so theres more going on with us than just whats outsides of our homes. We all have other issues. And sooooo.... as well as embracing life, pushing the boundaries etc this year, i will be facing the control issue.

A small example... i like to have a little suntan going on. But its winter and its Scotland so that aint happening. So yesterday i reached for the bottle of fake tan and i felt a little wobble. I felt i didnt want to put it on because if i didnt like it, im stuck with it and i cant scrub it off. And so i might panic. So the control issue. I dunno why i felt that way. But i could have just avoided doing it, but for god sake why should i? Ive avoided enough and so i slapped it on not caring if i ended up like an oompa loompa. If i panicked then id work through it but lets face it, would i panic... probably not! (im aware that this is another very weak example but im trying to focus on the little issues we can face that wouldnt automatically be associated with agoraphobia). All this avoidance left me a nervous little wreck in the past and so although this might be minor, its all these little battles that make us a little bit stronger each time confronted.

And so a late happy new year and all the best. Lots of love and positive energy to all of you. Why dont we make a plan for the year ahead? Hmmm I could possibly write some ideas in my next post. And I really need to sort out links for available downloads soon. Oh and also this year no more procrastinating haha.