Thursday, 3 March 2011

Thanks to Everyone

I wanted to write a quick post thanking everyone for your comments recently.

I started this blog as a way to vent my frustrations. Having kept a diary for years, i knew that getting my thoughts out somehow made me feel a bit better.

For a while I thought about stopping the blog because I wondered if anyone was reading and I felt i was repeating a lot of the same kinds of experiences, i didn't want to bore yous. But then in the past few months the comments have pretty much blew me away. People say that they love the blog, i love to hear this. People say i'm an inspiration, which i cant believe, but which makes me feel fantastic.

Now people are writing to me about how agoraphobia stopped them from having children, but in hearing my experience they aren't so scared and are actually re-evaluating the situation. I am so touched its unreal. I cant believe that i have affected people in this way but if i give even one person a bit of hope then i am delighted.

The best thing I'm hearing now is from Cloudy - OMG I'm pregnant, you helped me get the courage to do this. Now i just have to face it.

Seriously i almost cried when i read that. Massive congratulations. If i can do it anyone can. Yeah its scary when you think of whats ahead but take it day to day. Now that my pregnancy is over i miss it so much! I know not everyone loves being pregnant and at the start i certainly didn't enjoy it. But looking back i loved stroking my bump and just the excitement that surrounds it. Enjoy it. And then what comes after those 9 months is just the best thing ever. Why should we miss out on such an amazing experience? We aren't bad people. We have just been unfortunate to suffer with anxiety. It doesn't mean we don't deserve the happiness being a parent brings. And i have said before that i think having anxiety can make you a more understanding, patient person. Good qualities to have as a parent.

As for me well im doing ok. Im probably still a bit hard on myself if Nathan doesn't get a decent day out. I make sure we go out walking every day, so much so that even if its raining cats and dogs i still make sure we are out, whereas a non sufferer might stay indoors that day.

Remember i used to need a bike to go everywhere? Well i seen myself replying on the pram a little. Being so used to walking about with it i felt a little unsteady when i went out myself. I let my mind work over time and it almost became an issue. But i refused to let it happen and as soon as someone was there to watch Nathan i went out walks alone again. Its a never ending battle isn't it pfffft. But we battle on.

So thanks again everyone. I cant really put into words what your comments mean. I do read them all and try to reply to them (which i always did) but since Nathan arrived I've not been so 'prompt'. And congrats again Cloudy. If you ever want to chat you know where I am.

Oh and i turned 30 in January too. :/


Cloudy said...

Happy birthday!
Oh, thankyou so much.
I have been reading your blog for years.
When I read about your delivery day, for the first time, I thought, I can do that! And here I am, pregnant. As you know I feel like I have a mountain to face.
I saw a doctor and she kept saying you want to enjoy the pregnancy. I thought, enjoy, really, you are supposed to enjoy it?

Now you saying you enjoyed it has me curious about this enjoyment part. At the moment I am just trying to still get used to the idea.

I am so looking forward to be where you are at now. With all this behind me.

I am so glad you are in a good place right now.

I wish I lived in a snowy place like you.

nasim said...

Hi there, i was pleased to read about your blog and interested in how you cope with anxiety and how it affected your life. i have an uni project thats about agoraphobia and i would be ever so grateful if i could ask you some questions.

congratulations on your beautiful baby!:)