Friday, 23 April 2010

Back to School

So today was my first day at my volunteering job. I should have been nervous, I usually would have been, but i have had a lot of other things going on so the job had been at the back of my mind.

I woke up early this morning, earlier than usual, and thought 'Urggghh I remember why I hated working, I want to go back to sleep'. Lots of things went through my head actually and its hard to get things into perspective when your half asleep. Like i did in the past I even considered not going but as the time went on I remembered why i had applied for this. This is a fantastic opportunity and something I could get great enjoyment from.

I got myself ready and headed to the class. I couldn't find a parking space and the one i eventually found was pretty far away. Although I usually don't have a problem with walking from A-B, I find in a new situation where I have nerves to deal with, I am better being a little closer. My agoraphobic mind kicks in and tells me that, should i panic and need to run, i want to do it quickly.

Into the building I am greeted by an elevator. Well surprise surprise I don't do lifts! Luckily I found some stairs and headed to the room which it was at the back of the building. Another Agoraphobics dream. Entering the class I see its filled with about 25 people So i walk in and take my seat, nervous?? Yeh! I tried to busy my mind with reading posters on the walls and things like that and I was managing to get quite comfortable but then came the part I was dreading. You know what its like when you start something like this, they do that 'lets get to know each other' thing, where each person stands up and says a bit about themselves. I waited with bated breath until it was my turn, and of course I was last which gave me plenty of time to get a bit flustered. I spat out my introduction 'Hi I'm Lynn and I have always been interested in working with people with special needs or adults who need help with reading, writing or numbers, so this was the perfect opportunity for me'. And Breathe!

One of our tasks was to discuss the difficulties which can face adults who want to go back into learning. We covered issues like money, children and then someone said 'Health issues can cause problems for example if someone is agoraphobic' I couldn't help but smile to myself. The rest of the class plodded along nicely and I started to mingle with the others, before I knew it I was enjoying myself. The instructor told us what is coming up in the next few weeks and I found myself really looking forward to it. 8 weeks of training and then we get to start helping people. Exciting.

So I got through it and was feeling really elated and proud of myself. Sometimes I need to remind myself how far I have come.

Throughout the class the instructor had made comments about not really liking the room we had been given. It was a bit cramped and there was no air conditioning so it was a little warm in there. But then he shocked my by telling us there is another room we could go to.... in another town. My heart sank. One of the best things about the job for me was its location. Most of the people in the class had travelled from all over and they didn't really have an issue with relocation. It came down to a class vote. Did we want to stay where we were, or did we want to go to this new building with more space, better parking and air con? Obviously I put my hand up with a vote to stay put, but only 4 other people joined me, and so we have been relocated.

The new location is waaaaay out of my comfort zone and its somewhere I have never travelled alone. Ill be honest I think this may be the end of the road for me. Absolutely gutted. I will call them mid week and see what they can come up with but my adult literacy career might end up being very short indeed.


Jason said...

ah that's a bummer lynn. At least you made it to the class though and went through with the initial process. That's something you should feel good about.

Is it possible you can make it that distance or is it just way too far? I know at times I've felt like certain distances were impossible but after a few weeks of practice I was able to master them. Sometimes a certain drive can be easier than expected.

If not, I'm certain another opportunity will come up.

Lynn said...

I think its just a bit for for me to travel alone. If i was with someone it would probaby be fine but i cant really expect someone to wait outside while im in class for hours.

Im going to phone them though and see if anything can be done, or even if i can join the next training group but that could be a while away.

I feel like i should at least TRY and not rule out the journey but at the same time I do know my limits and dont want to put myself in a situation where im panicking miles from home cos that would only do me more harm than good.

Jason said...

I hear ya. If it's beyond your limits, it might be best to wait for another opportunity.

Louis said...

The class sounds like a really terrific opportunity for you to stretch yourself a bit and that does sometimes mean leaving you comfort zone. Please try. You can do it if you allow yourself to get it done. Look how far you have come and standing up in front of people and introducing yourself etc.. Another step a dandy one too.
Take the next step Lynn maybe you could take a bus then you would not be alone for the drive. if the bus has too many people for your comfort zone perhaps a lttle more concentration on what you control in your car would let you make the drive alone.
You are doing so very well dont let a little extra distance stop you.

diver said...

Woe, the 'lets get to know each other' thing ... I could feel the flush on your face there m'dear :( I've always hated those group introductions.

So what happened with the class relocation and you ???