Today I had my third driving lesson. I didn't want to go. I was dreading it and as the time of the lesson drew closer i was ready to cancel it. Archie, my instructor, has told me that i NEED to go to another town to learn more driving. My village is too easy and i need to learn to deal with driving on busier roads, junctions etc.
I knew that when i seen Archie today he would want me to travel way out of my comfort zone. I wasn't ready. but i managed to convince myself to go through with it. I would at least speak to Archie and explain how i was feeling instead of running away and avoiding facing up to this. Running away from life is exactly how i ended up with agoraphobia.
When Archie arrived I got into the passenger seat and had a bit long rant. But Archie wasn't listening. He continued to drive with me until I was at my furthest point. I explained that I was getting way too uncomfortable and that, if i had to, i would jump out of the moving car if he didn't stop. Does that sound dramatic? Have any of you ever considered this? I really believe i would do this if someone continued to drive me against my will lol. Thankfully Archie pulled over and let me get in the driver' seat. Once i had control of the car my anxiety reduced a little. But wanting to challenge my, Archie asked me to drive further than usual. I did it. I don't know if you will remember a post i did a while ago and I talked about places on the road to Gerry's house. The Garage, McDonald's, Asda. Well today i hit every one of those targets. Not literally! I didn't crash into them, but i drove past them and even beyond them. At first we hit a series of round abouts which Archie told me to drive through. Well i shouted and moaned and said no, i wanted to turn back... but eventually i done as i was told. My panic subsided. We drove to PAISLEY... yes PAISLEY where Gerry lives, and the point i most want to reach, but never thought i would. Feeling like i had gone far enough we headed back and then i done it all over again.
Then we headed out in the other direction and before i knew it I had driven through another 2 towns. I sat at the furthest point and thought to myself 'LOOK WHERE YOU ARE' but like i have said before, i don't think it really sunk in. The most mental thing is that i was pretty much completely calm. To get home i was taken onto the duel carriageway where i drove at 70mph. He told me to take the slip road back to my town but i continued and drove all the way to Glasgow Airport. When i missed the turn off for my village i got a bit stressed again. I realised that I was doing 70, and that for quite a bit of road there was nowhere to stop and no where to turn. Now that i was heading to the airport there was no turning back. But somehow i just thought 'Well i better just do it'.
I sit here in disbelief. Next lesson Tuesday