Driving

Ok so i was a little down in my last post. I guess sometimes the negative thoughts can really take hold. Thankfully i am feeling stronger again. Since then i have gone out driving! This was fantastic progress for me. I sat driving lessons when i was about 19 but due to everything that happened i ended up giving them up and never sat my test.

Back then i was at a decent level. I felt quite confident and could drive with relative ease. I would like to remind any Americans reading that we all drive with stick cars and we need to go through A LOT to get our license haha. If we drove automatic cars i would be fine. I would be driving by now. I have driven automatics before and i love it, but some people seem to think it can be quite boring and like to drive a manual car.... anyway....

My boyfriend decided it was maybe a good idea to try going in the car instead of walking all the time. Obviously in the car you can get further faster, but also he thought i might feel safer in the surroundings of the car. So we went out and it was me who got into the drivers seat. I warned him that i would TRY to drive but i wouldnt be going very far. Being in the car i would reach the end of my comfort zone much quicker and this made me nervous. I told him i may only drive to the bottom of the street. So off we went and in seconds i was at the bottom of the street and just kept on going. I drove around the corner and into the next street where i then parked up, reversed around the corner and drove home. I was anxious but i was very proud of myself. I was also hoping this would be enough to satisfy my boyfriend that day but he quickly said 'well done... now lets do that again'. Arrrgghhhh!!! I wanted to bolt indoors. But instead i told him i would sit in the car for a while and just chat. See how i felt in a few minutes. So, we sat and chatted and all the while i was thinking 'ok that wasnt so bad, i didnt panic, but i dont really want to do it again'. Why are our minds like this!!! Finally i started the car again and made the same small trip. To be honest on the first attempt my driving was pretty shocking haha. I have lost the confidence i once had and was all over the place, but on the second attempt my boyfriend said i was much better and much more in control.

After the second trip my boyfriend was satisfied that i had tried enough for the night. I was relived! but also i was still really proud of myself for doing it at all. He now thinks that this may be the answer. Maybe i should focus on the driving more and eventually i will be driving around without a care in the world. Ok... so maybe thats a little presumptuous but i can understand his way of thinking. I am certainly going to go out driving again and try to push the boundaries. However, i will also continue to walk as i dont want to end up relying completely on the car.

EMDR... well it didnt happen again. I feel bad as i know many people are waiting to hear the outcome of my sessions but Alison is a busy nurse and if often called into work at the last minute. Again, i am in no big rush to go through the second session anyway as the first one was a little scary lol. It will happen though... eventually!

I am basically at the stage of trying to make myself go out everyday. As the fall sets in and the winter approches, i am determind not to go into hibernation. Even if i only walk around the block each day, i will just be happy knowing that i did SOMETHING.

Another reason i wanted to write is because i have another download that i would like to share. Many people will have heard of Paul McKenna. He began in Britain as a popular hypnotist and had a show on tv. Since then he has moved on to using NLP and TFT curing people of phobias etc. He is extremely popular and his books and self help cds sell millions. I have recently purchased his download for 'curing' Agoraphobia. Like with many of these things i have no idea if it will work but i figure that anything is worth a try. It comes in 2 parts, firstly the Introduction and then the 'Mind Programming Technique'. He suggests listening to it everyday for half an hour and in 2 weeks you will notice a different. I only bought it yesterday so have only listened twice. Anyone who would like a copy please Email me. Untill next time... bye all x