Questions & Answers

I have gone through a load of my emails and thought i would answer more of the questions i have been asked. I have written about most of this before but this is probably a quicker way to recap.

What is your diet, do you drink caffine?

A good diet is obviously better for us for a number of reasons but i have heard it is also good for dealing with anxiety. I few months back i stopped drinking fizzy juice (soda) completely. I now only drink water. Yes i do drink Caffine. When i first got anxiety i cut out caffine and alcohol completely but now i think they are both fine in moderation. If i am having a particularly anxious day i will probably give coffee a miss.

I found this website which may be more useful http://www.ctds.info/anxiety_diet_treatment.html

Have you tried EMDR?

I haven't tried this yet but i am due to try it in the future. A friend of mine who is a nurse is learning EMDR and i have offered myself up as a guinea pig. Apparently my friend sat in with a man giving EMDR therapy and she was shocked by the impressive results. I have no idea if this will work or even just help a little but i am willing to try anyway, i don't think it will do any harm.

What benefits am i entitled to?

I know there are a lot of people who read my blog in the states and unfortunatley it seems that they don't get financial help that we have in the UK. If your anxiety has stopped you being able to go out to work you should be entitled to Incapacity Benefit and maybe also Disability Living Allowance.

What is your biggest fear when having a panic attack?

I had many fears in the past. Now i don't have them that much at all. When in the midst of extreme panic i would most commonly worry that i was either going to lose control, have a heart attack or stop breathing. I finally managed to get my head around the fact that these things weren't going to happen to me. That it is just anxiety causing these sensations, adrenalin pumping through my body. I have read so much information and experienced so many panic attacks that i know nothing sinister is going on.

How do you cope when having a panic attack?

I go somewhere quiet and comfortable. I breathe and try my best to relax. Recently i have been using EFT and tapping but usually it is all about letting it pass. I accept the sensations i am having and i talk myself through them. I tell myself that this will pass and it always does. Sometimes i will take a drink or will fan myself down to keep cool. I have also used wet wipes on my hands and wrists as i can get quite sweaty. The coolness seems to help me. Really i just try to keep a level head and talk myself through it and i have got better at this with time.

Have you tried 'The Lindon Method'?

I personally have not tried this as yet. It is something i will look into, but if anyone else is interested they can check out the website

http://www.thelindenmethod.co.uk/

Do your attacks stop you doing certain things?

Yes! But this is what i am working on. My life became so limited when i was housebound but thankfully i got out of that situation. Obviously it isn't easy to change. I am 'stuck in a rut'. Instead of TRYING to do different things and putting ourselves into a panic situation it is a far more appealing option to just stay home. To stop trying all together. In the end this is the worst option as it only frustrates us more. I have spent weeks lying in my room thinking 'i wish i could go out and do things'. Why not just GO AND DO THINGS, then i wont be obsessing it over anymore. I know it's easier said than done. But this is where baby steps come in. A work in progress.

If there are anymore questions then please email me. I don't claim to have the answers. I only know what has worked for me. On the agoraphobia side of things i am only just starting the hardest part of the battle. But i do feel very confident in dealing with the anxiety and i know how to make it pass very quickly. For people who have told me i am brave for writing this blog then i can only say thank you. That means more to me that they will ever know because anyone will know how anxiety can make you feel so weak! In reality i think that anyone who lives with panic attacks or agoraphobia everyday is incredibly strong. Life can seem like a constant struggle but we plod on, we keep on trying. We are faced with so many obstacles like social events, relationships, work or even just simply getting through the day! and i think that it takes a very strong person to live this way.

The Mind Boggles

I have had a lot of emails recently from people who have been reading this blog. The most common question i am asked is about the symptoms of a panic attack or about my negative thoughts.

People seem to be worried by the thoughts in their head and want to know if they are alone or if i have experienced the same problems. I'm going to write a very honest list of everything regarding both what anxiety and panic attacks to do my body and also the thoughts i have had and again i am doing this to show that no one is alone....believe me i have been there and so have thousands of others.

Panic Attacks ( What i feel DURING an attack)

• Heart Pounding
• Churning Stomach
• Dizziness
• Nausea
• Sickness
• Sensitization
• Utter terror!!
• Shaking
• Derealization (feelings of unreality) or depersonalization (feeling detached)
• I may think i am dying
• I may think i am having a heart attack
• I can't breathe
• I may think i am going to pass out
• I fear i will lose control and completely freak out
• When at home i don't want to leave the room when im panicking
• When i'm out i can't get home quickly enough but worry, 'what if i don't make it'

When i am not having an attack but am feeling anxious this can affect me in many ways. I have both negative thoughts and physical symptoms caused by stress. I am going to write a list of both of these, this could be a long list haha

• Fear of not being able to breathe
• The feeling that i can't get a full breath
• Difficulty swallowing
• Dizziness
• Sensitization
• Sweaty hands & Feet (attractive)
• Churning Stomach
• Numbness in my fingers (Pins & Needles)
• Palpitations
• Not wanting to face anyone, switching off phone etc
• Lose patience easily, very irritable
• Always going to the bathroom (I thought this was just me, didnt know it can be anxiety)
• Tiredness
• Very Edgy, can jump at the slightest thing
• Avoidance (either avoiding people or avoiding situations i.e making phone calls, going out)
• Become preoccupied with, or obssess about one thing
• Shaking
• Always imagining the worst outcome
• The weather affecting my mood
• When summer is ending and its getting dark earlier i feel anxious
• Fear of never getting better
• Fearing a panic attack everyday 'Do i feel ok, will i panic today'
• The feeling of not even wanting to leave my bedroom
• Loss Of Appetite (some people may be the opposite and eat more than usual)
• Completely messed up sleep patteren
• Light Headedness
• No Motivation, very lethargic
• The fear of a heart attack due to a tightness in my chest (caused by stress)

Ok i will leave it there for now haha. I'm sure there are more but it's first thing in the morning and my brain isn't functioning yet. I know that people who haven't experienced anxiety will look at that list and think... 'Wow this girl is crazy', but i know i am not. The things above don't worry me because i am used to them now. They come and go, I have good days and bad days, but i seem to know how to cope now no matter how unpleasant it is....and it is VERY unpleasant.

Our mind's really are our own worst enemies, and we fuel our panic by living in fear of 'What If's'. I think all we can do is recognise that we are not going crazy! We are just anxious, and the things above are caused by that anxiety.

Like i said i am sure there are many more things i could have added to the list so please don't worry if something you suffer with isn't up there. The chances are i've just forgotten to add it. But if anyone wants to ask me anything then feel free to email me. I have had such positive feedback from this blog and i want to take this opportunity to thank everyone who has gotten in touch. It's great to hear from you all xxx

Agoraphobia Confirmed

I had been living with my panic attacks for a couple of years by now. For a while i was able to live a some what normal life. As i mentioned before, i kept up working for a while and although i eventually quit everything else in my life was pretty much the same. I still saw my friends regularly. I would visit my family most days and my social life was as busy as ever. I never missed a Saturday night clubbing with friends. But i noticed the changes starting to take place.

When i was going out clubbing i would need alcohol before hand as the negative thoughts would already have kicked in. What if i panic in the nightclub? What if i can't get a taxi home quick enough? What if i panic in the taxi? So i would have a few vodka's for dutch courage and continue my night as normal. It seemed to be the build up to the night out that made me most anxious but once i actually arrived at the club i would be fine and would enjoy the rest of my night without a care in the world (the alcohol must have taken effect by then).

When i was out about about doing other things like shopping or visiting friends i realised i had this feeling inside me that i would really just rather be at home. I didn't understand WHY i felt this but i was aware of it, so i decided to tell my doctor.

I don't know if that was a mistake or not, but the day i told the doctor was the day that my life changed the most. After explaining how i had been and the feeling of wanting to be at home my doctor said 'It sounds like you have Agoraphobia'. I had heard about agoraphobia before. I was sure this was a condition which made people scared to leave their homes. I didn't realise that there are different types of agoraphobia or that people can have different symptoms. So i left the doctors feeling extremely worried.

That night i had to walk home. I was walking along and feeling ok when suddenly i started to think about what the doctor had told me. 'Well if i have agoraphobia i should be a nervous wreck right now'. 'I should be freaking out'. 'I'm not indoors so i shouldn't be handling this situation'.
Cue panic attack! Once again it was horrific. I was looking around and everything seemed huge and scary. The sky, the houses. I grabbed onto a fence and this time was literally paralysed with fear. My legs wouldnt move. I managed to phone my boyfriend and he came and prized me off the fence. From that day on i was full blown, never leaving the house, agoraphobic.

Regular Panic and Medication

This is my family -Mum, Brother Derek, Dad, Brother Joseph and Me celebrating my dads 50th.

The day after my first panic attack i woke up with my mum popping her head into my bedroom and telling me she was going out to visit one of her friends. I felt ok for about 5 minutes then suddenly the feelings i had the night before came back just as strongly and just as terrifying. I had quickly forgotten just how awful it was and realisation that it was happening again was too much for me to cope with.
I threw on my clothes and ran to my mums friends as quickly as i could. This time i knew it was a panic attack but it didnt make it any easier for me to deal with.

Over the next few weeks the panic attacks came thick and fast. My life changed. When i was suffering with anxiety i wouldn't go out. I was completely dependant on my family to look after me. I didn't want to be left alone and i phoned my doctor regularly. I still remember this period so vividly. My panic would build and at it's peak it would be so intense i would fear i was going to lose control. My boyfriend or my mum would be with me at these times and i was tell them to talk to me, to distract me as that was the only way i found i could get myself back down.

My doctor decided it was time for me to try some medication to deal with things. I had always been sceptical about the use of anti depressants. Like most people i had heard horror stories and how you could become addicted but when my doctor offered me Seroxat (paroxetine) i was more than happy to try anything if it would make me feel better.

The doctor told me that the first week on the drug would be the hardest. My body wouldnt be used to it so there was a chance i could feel unwell and even the chance that my panic attacks could get worse....and wow was he right.

It was a living nightmare. I couldn't eat, i couldn't sleep. I felt like i was having a 24 hour panic attack. I was vomiting, sweating it was horrendous. I called my doctor constantly! It was probably verging on harrassment! I needed to know if what i was going through was normal. I was always needing the reasurrance that i was ok, that this would pass. The panic attacks i had at this time were the worst i ever had and the memory of those nights are the ones that will stay with me forever. Maybe i was wrong to keep taking the tablets? As far as i was concerned this medication would help me and after that initial week i never had anymore problems.

I have since heard a lot of horror stories about Seroxat. People being extremely addicted, people whose symptoms have gotten worse because of the drug, or people who experience suicidal thoughts because of them but i can honestly say that Seroxat hasn't given me any of these problems in 8 years (touch wood). All i can say is, i have no idea how i would have coped with my anxiety without medication as i was basically put on it as soon as my problems started.

However, Seroxat leaves me with new worries. Have i been on the drug so long that they no longer work? Worse still.. How bad is it going to be when i need to stop taking them?

Introduction

When i first started having panic attacks at 19 years old i didnt understand what was happening to me. I had so many questions... Is this normal? Does everyone feel the same sensations? What has caused this? How long will this last? Am i going to have these forever?

It was these questions and the not knowing that caused most of my anxiety back then. I would sit on the internet for hours looking to find someone going through the same things as me. I needed to know i wasn't alone. When the agoraphobia came i would say i found it even more difficult to find someone i could relate to. So that's why i have decided to write this blog.

I want to help other people out there who have just started to experience panic attacks or agoraphobia. Or even to talk to people who have been living with them for years. Having just turned 27 i've had my problems for 8 years and its been so much fun!!!! (yes im being sarcastic). I'll talk about my first panic attack, how the agoraphobia set it, medications, therapies, relationships etc. Basically how my life has changed since 1999 and i would welcome anyone to leave comments or tell me their stories. So here goes.....