Dr Weekes

(Above - Dr Claire Weekes)



http://www.controllinganxiety.com/dsp_downloads.php

A few people having read my blog have got in touch to tell me about Dr Claire Weekes. I have listened to her recordings on the website linked above.

In the last year i have noticed a shift in the way i think and they way i approch my illness. It is in my OWN opinion that therapies don't really work. But i want to stress that this is my own opinion. If there are people out there who have used therapies and have found success then i congratulate them and i am glad they have found what works for them.

However, i have spoken to so many people who have over come their anxiety or their agoraphobia and that is due to feeling the fear, but facing it anyway. This is how i plan to get my life back. I am going to put myself in the situations that will cause me to panic but instead of running for home i am going to stand there and accept the sensations no matter how horrific they may be. I know this is not going to be an easy task.... but it will be worth it.

Having spoken to various people i have learned that this may take 6 months, 8 months or a year, but really that is nothing compaired to the years we could spend suffering and giving into our situation.

This year it is my goal to face my fears and to BEAT them. Who know's i may go out tomorrow and panic and run straight home but instead of feeling defeated i will try again and again untill i have mastered it.

I would love to hear from ANYONE who has gone through this. Wish me luck

Me Today

So this is me today. Have i made any great progress??? I would have to say yes and no. Obviously my agoraphobia has me limited in so many ways but mentally i feel far more able to deal with it. I have spent so many years working myself out, questioning why this has happened and how i'm going to fix it and now i feel i have the answers.

I am happy. Life isn't how i planned it. Having just turned 27 i had imagined a career, maybe marriage and kids but that's not happened for me and do you know what? That's ok!

I have my family. I have a beautiful home. I have my 3 wonderful nephews how make me smile. I have the 3 best friends a girl could ask for, Lynne, Laura and Angela and i have Chris.

What's the point in getting upset about what i don't have or what i've missed out on? I am young and i have my whole life ahead of me. People say they feel sorry for me, that someone my age shouldn't have to deal with this. Oh well, it's happened so no point complaining!

My life is just the same as any other girl my age. Ok so i don't work and i don't go out clubbing etc but i have the same day to day issues that they do. Love, Family, bills etc
I love the gossip magazines, watching my favourite tv shows, complaining about my apperance. I've been on a diet since November last year and have lost quite a bit of weight so that's given me a boost. If people think i'm a weirdo because of my condition then that's fine, they obvously don't know me very well and that's not the kind of person i need in my life.

I believe everything happens for a reason. I believe this was just something that was meant to happen to me and instead of feeling sorry for myself, i am going to turn this negative into a positive.

I have enroled in an open university course. You study at home and i have plenty of time for that ha ha. The course is in Health and Social Care and i plan to get into counselling or Social Work of some sort. I want to help people who have gone through the type's of issues as me. Instead of them meeting someone who will say 'Yeh i think i know what you mean, i've never had a panic attack myself'. I will be able to say 'I completely understand, i've been there' and hopefully i can put this experience to some use. Just need to help myself first.

EFT

The EFT website desribes it as follows - EFT is based on a new discovery that has provided thousands with relief from pain, diseases and emotional issues. Simply stated, it is an emotional version of acupuncture except needles aren't necessary. Instead, you stimulate well established energy meridian points on your body by tapping on them with your fingertips. The process is easy to memorize and is portable so you can do it anywhere.

A family friend put me in touch with another therapist. This was only a few weeks before christmas, and this time it is a man who specialises in EFT. The first session was pretty straight forward. We discussed the therapies i had tried in the past and the man, who i'll call John, taught me about the places to tap on my body.

We went over the sequience of tapping a few times untill he was sure i knew what i was doing. John told me to focus on different problems i was having and to tap on them over the next week.

I had previously tried TFT which is similar but i can admit that i probably didn't do it enough to take effect. So with the EFT i decided i would make a point in tapping every morning and night. John told me that you don't even need to BELIEVE in EFT for it to work so that made me feel a bit better since i seem to have lost faith in some therapies.

I have now seen John 3 times and he also phones to check on my progress. At first i never seen any results from the tapping but only last week i discovered that maybe this could work after all. I can go through phases of feeling completely fine, it can be months and i won't feel any anxiety. But usually once a year i will go through a fortnight of feeling extremely anxious for no reason. I have gotten used to this. I don't particulary like it but i seem to be able to cope with it. Last week i was having a hard time with the anxiety so i decided to tap on it. I don't know if it was the tapping that worked or just that fact that it distracts me but i was on the verge of a bad attack and after tapping i felt fine.

Then the following day when feeling the anxiety come back i tapped again and like the day before my anxiety seemed to fade when the tapping was over.

I am not saying this is a cure, but it could be a handy tool to have should any panic attacks come knocking. I am expecting John to call over the next few days and i will discuss what has happened and in the meantime i will continue to tap.

Winter Blues

Am i the only agoraphobic who is affected by the winter weather?

When it's summer i am out all day. Even if i am only lying sunbathing in the garden i am much happier. I feel more confident and i am able to trying pushing the boundaries further. I enjoy walking in the sunshine, or going for a ride on my bike with my mp3 player on..... but then there's winter.

When the bad weather arrives (which it does very quickly in Scotland) i go into hibernation. I don't want to go out on my bike because it's too cold and i don't want to go out walking and trying to push my boundaries because, let's face it, who really wants to go out walking in the rain? My progress comes to a halt. I sleep a lot. I spend a lot of time in bed watching tv or going online. I lose my routine and the days all just blur into one. I know that sounds really dull and depressing but i just want to be totally honest about this.

I know it's me who allows this to happen. I know nobody REALLY wants to go out in the winter but hey they have lifes to lead so they just need to get on with it. But for an agoraphobic like myself it's really not the best time of year. Does anyone else have the problem?

My Little Bubble

To give you a rough idea this is a map of my 'safety zone'. Inside the red area i am fine. The Pink dot shows the local shops, and the yellow dot is 'The Club'.

Not a great distance.

No Wonder I Drink!!

There is a social club not far from my home and within my comfort zone. Now that i was able to walk a little more i decided i would try and get to the pub for a night out with my friends. This would of course involve a little alcohol which seems to give me a bit more courage (not that i am saying anyone should rely on it). I had a few drinks with friends and then set off for the pub. Amazingly i made it! I was totally delighted. When i was there i felt absolutly fine. I did think to myself throughout the night 'Do i feel ok'? and told myself 'If i start to panic i can be home quickly enough' but i was fine. Happy and proud. Go Me!!

This became a regular event from then on. It's not the nicest place by any means but i started to go there every Friday night with friends. Karaoke night. So again i had a bit of a social life going on. The club was always packed, i always had fun, and i always got up and sung....badly.

I knew that going by past events i would need to keep up the routine of going every Friday. If i missed it one weekend it would make it harder for me to go back and that's exactly what happened. I missed one week, then two, then three untill suddenly going back seemed like it was going to be a challenge.

The last time i went to the club i actually had to laugh at myself. It was a friends 21st birthday party and i really wanted to attend. I was so determind but the walk seemed a bit too difficult. Oh well i always had my bike!! My friend Laura came to get me and i told her that i might need to take my bike. She said it didn't matter what i needed to do as long as i made it to the party.

So off i went walking to the club, with my bike.... in a skirt and heels. I didn't really care what i looked like as long as i made it to my destination. Even better was when the party ended and i cycled home in my heels haha. I must have been a sight for sore eyes and would that be classed as drunk driving???

Hypnotherapy

Next i decided to try Hypnotherapy. I contacted a local women and explained my situation. She came out to my house armed with her cd player and calm voice.
She started to play the soothing music and talk me into a 'trance'. I lay there waiting for something to happen. She talked about how i would be able to go out, to feel relaxed etc etc.

This was taking place in my living room. I had unplugged the phones so as not to be distracted but just as i was getting into a state of relaxation the door was opened and i heard someone shout 'JAN ARE YOU IN'. My mum's friend had decided to pop by! After that i was so uptight and annoyed that the session was basically a waste of time...and more money.

I had tried Hypnotherapy once before but again i honestly don't think it worked for me. I didn't feel any significant change, it didnt reveal any hidden fears from my subconscious but most importantly it didn't make me start going out.

So another therapy tried...another therapy failed.

I should say however that even though hypnotherapy didn't work for me, that doesn't mean it won't work for others and when your living with panic attacks or agoraphobia i think it's worth giving anything a try because you never know which therapy is the one to suit you.