Ok so i last wrote to say my therpist was coming on Thursday. The session went well. I think i mentioned that i already knew this therapist and had seen him before, but since then his skills have improved. He now offers verious different types of therpy. In saying that.. im not sure what he done with me.
We didn't have to spend the session going over my history as we have already covered all that. But it was quickly established that EVERYTHING i do is caused by the way i think. Obviously i knew in the past that i had negative thoughts, but untill i really paid attention i didn't realise how MANY i have on a daily basis. I was then given a copy of the book above and given a few exercises to do all focusing on the way i think.
It's hard to explain really but it sounds so simple. I have to sit for 20 minutes a day and just think. I've to let the thoughts flow into my head and if any of them are negative (which they will be) i have to make them disappear. Ignore them. In the past i have probably dwelled on these thoughts, which leads to feelings of unhappiness or frustration. Now, however, i make them go away. It sounds so simple that most people will think, thats stupid, that wont work (a perfect example of negative thinking). But i can honestly say that since i started to pay attention to my thoughts.. and ignore the negatives, i have been feeling much better. I KNOW that i cause my panic attacks myself. I KNOW that its over thinking that brings them on. So now im ignoring it all. I know it wont always be that easy, i can't just dismiss thoughts and suddenly be cured. But i have been feeling happy, confident and im even sleeping better than i have been.
I dont think im the best with words so really i can only recommend the book. Here is the link to the book on Amazon
Ok so im not running out of the door cured of all fears and phobias but i FEEL better in myself and i think thats a great start to tackling the bigger issues.
The other thing the therapist done was far more bizarre. It was the first time i had experienced anything like this but maybe you will have tried this before. It was all about energy. He took away my negative energy and then gave me healing energy. Ok it sounds crazy. To give me the healing energy he held his hands over my stomach and although he wasnt touching me i could feel it. I felt a warmth and a tingling sensation. A few times i felt pressure and had to open my eyes to make sure he wasnt touching me. Did this work? Well i felt something, but i cant say if it worked or not. I would say i feel better mainly due to the lesson on my thoughts and the book i was given.
Also he told me he thinks i have SAD. This would obviously explain why i seem to go into hibernation in the winter months. I always had a feeling i had it, but was wary in using it as an excuse. Now though i have bought some Day light bulbs. I wont need them for a few months as the weather here is finally beautiful but it will be interesting to see if they work.
On Friday morning i woke up with a visit from 2 local nurses. We went through my history and they are going to find a way to help me, for example, a nurse to do CBT with me or someone who can do graded exposure. I should hear back from them in the next few weeks to see what they recommend. Another step in the right direction.
The weekend was spent with my 3 nephews, so it was a busy one. And today i woke up to amazing sunny weather. So i should have gone walking, but instead i lay in the garden for 4 hours. I now have a great tan but the most horrible white marks where my bikini was. It's to be hot all week and since the weather in Scotland is usually awful, i intend to make the most of it. Lots more sunbathing and getting back into walking to the shops on a daily basis. I have to call the therapist tomorrow and report back on how i have been feeling, and hopefully we can get another session booked.
I hope everyone is well. When i firsts started this blog i got so many emails but its gone quiet. I wonder, am i talking to myself.... have i bored everyone with my going on and on?? haha. I hope if there are people reading that these posts can give you a little hope at least. I really do think this is something everyone can overcome.